Saturday, July 30, 2011

everything was beautiful and nothing hurt.

Yesterday was a week since my love took his own life. I can't believe it's been a week! ugh. I got a tattoo in his memory. We found this cute picture together and he loved the idea of it being a tattoo. Now, it's too bizarre how much meaning it has to me. It took about 2 hours to complete and it was worth every bit of the pain. I miss Brian SO much. It seems impossible that life is happening and he isn't here.

Brian was cremated on Wednesday..I didn't get to see him. No funeral or anything official. At first I was hurt and confused. This is God's plan though and I trust in it completely. I wasn't ment to see Brian's body and I accept that. I find comfort in talking to Bri's mom. I'm kind of scared that she will one day not want to talk to me because it will be too painful. I feel like I will be the girl that makes everyone sad because I remind them of Brian.

I have two friends that have lost their boyfriends. One lost her boyfriend only 3 years ago, in a motorcycle accident. I saw her last night and we got to talk about a lot of things. I was there for her at the time but looking back everything is a blur. She is one of my best friends in life. We have known each other for 14 years and I find comfort in her words. She is so strong and I am looking up to her, she has handled herself so well. The other friend I have lost her boyfriend seven years ago to an accidental overdose. It's not a burden you want to share but if you have to deal with it having friends that understands is helping me. Sudden death is definitely different. It really makes a difference to have friends that know how I feel and are living proof that I can make it.


  1. I'm so sorry that you're going through this. You're in my thoughts & prayers.

    What a beautiful way to commemorate him. And it's good that you have friends near by that know what you're going though.

  2. So sad to hear about this. Your new tattoo is beautiful, and I am sure that you will treasure it forever. Wishing you courage and happiness.

  3. oh sweetie! i don't know how i missed this. you poor thing. i hope that you have friends and family you and lean on for support. what a wonderful thing, a tattoo is, such a wonderful tribute. forever on your skin and in your heart <3

  4. Thank you all so much. I thought a tattoo was the best way to commemorate my love<3